2009/12/09

Confined


Some work in progress, although... I guess I won't finish it.


It's always the same with me. I'm satisfied with my work and myself for some weeks, then the usual crisis strikes again.

What kind of artist do I want to be?
Should I change my style? Should I draw more realistic?

Then I get to the point when I realize that I can't, even if I wanted to.

Guess I'm not good enough or too lazy to practise to become better. Another reason why I sometimes hate myself.
I'm stuck because I'm scared. If I try, I could fail. So I rather don't try at all. *Sigh*
All I do is make some sketches, sometimes make linearts out of them and color them if I'm in a good mood. No meaning, no feelings in them. That's the main reason why I can never become the artitst I want to be. I can't draw any of the good ideas I have. They always turn out completely different from what I imagined and that's depressing me.
When I'm depressed, I can't draw.
When I can't draw, I can't get better.

I can't even remember how I managed to draw my Hobbit series. These pics are the best I've ever made, and it was all so easy back then. I'm missing the HTK and my teachers Birger and Matthias so much. They both helped me a lot, especially Birger. He could always motivate me and give me some good advise.
The years at the HTK were the best in my life so far. It was the first time I ever fit in somewhere. I felt save and that gave me a lot of strength, and in the end I even had 1 of the best 4 final projects out of ~60 people. I was so damn proud.

Perhaps I just need a teacher again, someone to give me advise, motivate me and perhaps give me some tasks just for practising reasons. Or at least someone to give me a nice, hard kick in the lower back. ;P

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